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McCain seeks surge with new endorsement The following is editorial satire Not to be outdone by former Secretary of State Colin Powell’s endorsement of Barack Obama, Al Qaeda allied website al-Hesbah sought to help Sen. John McCain rebound in the polls with a ringing endorsement from another famous player in the war on terror. Longtime al-Hesbah contributor Muhammad Haafid wrote (as translated by SITE Intelligence Group), “Then, Al Qaeda will have to support McCain in the coming elections.” At press, Osama bin Laden could not be reached for comment on the endorsement of McCain. While Haafid is not believed by the CIA to have any firsthand knowledge of Qaeda operations, bin Laden has yet to issue a denunciation regarding the endorsement. As we have all learned from this year’s presidential campaign, sometimes it’s what you don’t say that really defines your intentions; this can only lead to the logical conclusion that bin Laden, much like his video in 2004 declaring that he had no problem with the re-election of President Bush, believes the Republican ticket is the better option for America. Given the recent voter backlash against the McCain camp for focusing on Sen. Barack Obama’s connection to Weathermen co-founder William Ayers and Sarah Palin’s proclamation that Obama “pal[s] around with terrorists” while serving on the board of an anti-poverty group (read: wealth-spreading socialist terror cell), it only makes sense that the Republicans wanted to show that they weren’t being prejudiced or trying to stoke paranoia in attempt to push voters into the booth through the use of scare tactics. We’re all familiar with the phrase, “Oh I’m not a racist; I have a terrorist endorsement, too.” This new — possible Qaeda — endorsement will surely make the Obama camp reconsider his complete condemnation of crimes committed by Ayers and the Weathermen when Obama was a child. Yet, is it really that surprising that a gun-loving son of a construction magnate would support the Republican candidate for president? While Americans and Al Qaeda fail to see eye-to-eye on most key issues regarding the justification for terrorist attacks that kill innocent civilians and whether or not Al Qaeda should be wiped off the planet, a core within the Republican Party does agree with Al Qaeda on the important issues regarding “guns, God, and gays.” McCain and bin Laden can also rally around their hatred for socialism. Obama’s covert plan to turn the United States of America into the United Socialists of America by “spreading the wealth” to the middle class boils the blood of nepotistic children of wealthy and successful fathers. How dare the Democrats try to help out the middle class with their tax breaks and health-care plans instead of allowing the upper class progeny to add an eighth house or 14th car to their collections. Never mind differences between McCain and bin Laden regarding the other’s right to exist; on that issue, they will simply agree to disagree. Clearly, a late-night meeting, somewhere around the gates of hell, between the two took place to discuss how to keep Obama’s margin in the polls from rising. It could be that bin Laden just wants to send feelers out to the Alaskan Independence Party about a change of scenery from the hills of Pakistan and Afghanistan. Perhaps John McCain is taking a page from the Lincoln playbook. When Abraham Lincoln was asked by a female Unionist why he was speaking kindly of the Confederates, and not thinking about how to destroy them, Lincoln’s classic response was: “Why, madam, do I not destroy my enemies when I make them my friends?” Or perhaps, contrary to what the right-wing radio nation propagates, you should take everything you read on the Internet with a grain of salt and consider the motives, and sources of the author. (There is no response yet from the Fake America & Un-American Parts of America Coalition spokesperson as to whether or not this endorsement will mean they are now supporting McCain.) |